r.u.q.a.y.y.a.h.

depressed

been a while since i write in this thing. :) no particular reason really. the passion of writing seems to fade if i know noone's reading it. i used to criticise my friend who once said the same thing. 'u write for who, man? for ppl to read?' i guess im doing the same thing... write for ppl to read... which is not so good isnt it. but then again thats why i deleted my previous blog. this blog is only for me and me alone. and perhaps some of those individuals who accidentally discover it. if ur one of those individuals then just wanna let u know that theres nothing here. just a girl trying to find something to do therefore she types unimportant stuff.

talking bout 'something to do' ive been thinking of doing things that can occupy my life if im free. i remember those adolescent days when i just roam around in the house w nothing to do and being bored like hell. i didnt go out and merayap though and i guess thats a gd thing. however when i reached abt 16 i got to go to things like matrix camp from fmsa and their little gatherings. and i figured that doing these things are better than doing nothing at all. apart from making friends i got to learn somethings as well. alhamdulillah. man i nvr thought of the effects of doing these things till now.

now the latest craze fmsa's coming out with is mission pluster. loads of my good frenz are going. mohksin, ridhwan, nadiah possibly acap and sarah. im sort of jealous of them. i feel like going as well. at first it wasnt that much of a big deal to me. but then again as i thought of the 'something to do in this life' issue i want to do it. im still young. i have to make use of this time. :( however lifes unfair. i cant go. i cant go. i cant go *feels like pulling my hair*. why? becoz of this stupid attachment program. well ok attachments ok i guess. but compare attachment w a trip to aceh with good friends and playing with homeless children and making an impact in their lives and learning to be independent and enjoying the nature and enjoying the new environment and making new muslim friends and OH MY GOD this is so unfair. :( and what makes matters worse im stucked in spore w this attachment and all of ridhwan's work in the admin department. while hes got to enjoy himself there. i hope i wont be so jealous i don't talk to him anymore. i hate him. hes supposed to be here with me and hapres. and now im stucked with hapres. ggrrr. im going to have a rotten time if i keep on thinking of this.

posted by Ruqa @ 5:44 PM