r.u.q.a.y.y.a.h.

be aware

yes, i am telling myself to be aware.
teaching teenagers is a lot of fun. the girls and i are more like sisters rather than students and teacher. my girls are around 15, only 5 years younger than me. whatever problems they face in life, i have been through and insyaAllah will be able to advice them on the right things to do, provided of course, my advise is correct with the help of Allah.
and so i am telling myself to be aware. because like it or no, these girls are looking at me as a rolemodel. and it is my responsibility to show them the best example. i find that the best tool of da'wah, though it is not something easy as sometimes, i need to be cautious of my actions and whatever i say.
it is fun, when we go through lessons and i guide them through. sometimes i have troubles with the meanings of kalimaats heh (hey im no azhar graduate) but thankfully my bestfriend the Maurid is always around :p and i go on acting smart saying "you dont actually have to know each and every one of the word. just understand the whole chunk". of course, im talking abt subjects like Tafseer or Tawheed or Hadith... all in Arabic. if its Insya' meaning Arabic Comprehension, then no choice, of course you have to know all the words. however if you're smart enough (insyaAllah they are ameen hehe), you will be able to figure it out w/o a Maurid.
and so thats lessons. but sometimes, when we dont feel like opening a book... (there are days where they, most of them they, take note of that, feel that its not necessary to learn anything... due to tiredness... or theres no tests or homeworks... or just plain.. lazy heh), we talk instead. about their lives. about my life (my oh so boring life heh). about school... teachers... and here is the part i realize, i have to be extra cautious. extra aware.
just now was one of those days... everyone finished their Tafseer homework (surah Ar-Rohman! :D i lyke~ one of the most poetic suraahs in the Quran ^^) and after helping them, training them how to actually look for the answers... go through with them the first 13 ayaats of Ar-Rohman with the help of their textbook and an English Tafseer (i thank God Tuffahah has a lot of resources), they werent in the mood to open anymore books.
"how abt we go through Nahu?" i suggested. Nahu is Arabic grammar and one of the most important subjects for them to master plus im also super good at it (riya' riya' :p)
"naaahhh..." *groaning and grumbling*
"more Tafseer?" tho in my heart i was like 'i will need help tho' hands already on Maurid, my medicine for my kekeringan vocab syndrome.
"nooo teacher. Why not we talk abt Akhirat? kan best..."
Rasyidah already had her head on the table... the girl liked to listen to stories... :)
"Akhirat...." i wondered how much they know...
And i started with the Shirat...
and that was when i discovered they were hanging on to my every word....
i looked into their eyes.... masyaAllah
i noticed Maisarah's beautiful eyes... looking deep into mine..
as i turned my head towards Rasyidah, she too was nodding and blinking... eyes filled with anticipation on my next few words.
Farzana, beside me, was looking down. appeared like she was thinking and.... reminiscing.
masyaAllah.
i realized i never really looked into their eyes when i teach : this is the difference between an old and a young teacher. i lack experience.
totally.
completely.
i remembered when i myself was a student. i would also look into my teacher's eyes when she teach. one of the benefits of going to maarif is all your teachers are ustazahs so you can look at their eyes =) and.... seriously.... thats how knowledge is tranferred...
and.....
so i ask Allah for help.
may i please be a good teacher to these girls.
if i ask to be an inspiration, will it be im doing this because i want to be an inspiration, and not doing for Allah? :/
may Allah help me too, to find an intention good enough to continue in this occupation. i really do enjoy teaching. insyaAllah a jihad? ya Allah, do help this small creation of Yours.
last tuesday, our class had discussion on intention and niyaah. masyaAllah what a wonderful class it was. would really like to thank Ustadz.... he has a blog anyways. here it is
http://www.thehoopoesodyssey.blogspot.com
love the entry on camels hehe. simply magical.
well, before i end i shall remind myself again to be aware. may Allah be with me. in times like these, especially.
ameen.
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oh, another reminder for myself.
STOP
FREAKING
DREAAAAMIINNNGGG!!!!!!!!
there you go.
pardon my words... hope my students will never find this space -_-

posted by Ruqa @ 9:42 PM