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i dont know why but i just feel like posting something bout my childhood.
my childhood was a special time. i must be someone who looks back at history a lot. somehow i believe my history shapes me as a person the way i am. tho i know i cant look too much at it or ill be left out. so i have to learn something abt balance.
since a child i was an introvert. i was the first in my family and according to my mother, i was used to playing alone. i had one ragdoll which was my favourite. it had 2 faces- the front is smiling. and the back is crying. i liked to play mother and child. the doll would be my child. and i liked to play in cramped, small spaces-under the table, inside the store, under the bed. i liked to play poor... and yes, alone. i was a loner. but never sad. my imagination was wild. all came from the storybooks i read. i started reading very young. english, arabic, malay. all with the help of my parents, may Allah bless them.
in nursery, i cried a lot. i was a coward. too much playing alone turned me into a kid who's kind of afraid of new environment, i guess. but i did well. memorizing, reading, writing, i never had a problem with my studies. memorizing, especially. Allah blessed me with photographic memory, sharp eyes and ears.
i made my first two bestfriends when i was in kindergarten 1 and 2. i still remember their names nurul huda & hafizah. they were the ones who taught me how to laugh, get along, love and make more friends. i remember being happy whenever i see them. with Allah's blessing i never turn out selfish. i get along well with everyone. i care and i share. perhaps too much. i think this is the stage where i learnt the power of friendship... and perhaps loyalty towards them. we had a lot of fun together at the jamiyah broadrick building... we climbed on walls, we took the transport bus together... i even learnt to buy things here in this school. that time, my favourite things to spend on were fishballs, chocolate sticks (plastic tubes filled with chocolate), drinks in a plastic cup and jellytubes (jelly in tubes). sometimes, i would buy them and ate in the transport bus on our way home. and sometimes, i would buy for my one and only sister that time, fadhilah.
sisterhood.... i didnt really understand that time... to be honest, i seldom was with her. i usually stayed with my arwah nenek. so i seldom saw her. the only ppl i loved that time was my friends. it went on for quite some time....
at almaarif during my lower primary days i had a tight group of loyal friends. junaidah, juhairiah, fatimah, kamila, muneerahkhan. ohhh man those days we were one for all and all for one. hidop mati kita bersama. luka berdarah, ku sakit jua. hehe. it was sweet... each one of us had our own characteristics... but we were great together. we rised and fell together.
these were the days i somehow learned to thrive on adventure. hehe. when you're in a group, you have to prove yourself worthy. that you can do what the group does-and sometimes you be the best. then you will be in. hehe.
these were the days we as a group conqured the almaarif playground. the monkeybars, the swings, the trees, the seesaws. hehe. but of all the play items, our favourite was the monkeybars. we climbed on them, sat on them, hanged on them, stood on them, walked (really!) on them, hung upside down from them (this was when kamila accidentally knocked my off my bat stunt and i ended up with very bad wounds... still have the scar on my knee hehe). ill never forget kamila for this heh. it was sweet.... the feeling of doing a stunt.... i thrived on it. i remembered even during perjumpaan hari raya where we all looked sweet and cute in our bajukurungs and raya shoes we ran to the playground and do our thang. :p but then again we wore bajukurung everyday (our uniform) -_- so... yeah. of course we wore pants too -_-
the swings were great too. the swings were made from wooden planks. awww man we swing on them, stood on them, jumped from them (is this a girls school?!) . i remembered knocking ani once at her stomace with a sickly thud. O.o it wasnt my fault! she was standing right behind me when i was being tarzan on the board and my swing was swinging back. haha... she couldnt do anything but forgave me that time. i had my friends around to back me up. hehehe.
thats another sweet memory during almaarif lower primary. our group was big. come on we had kamila in there. the big genius of the whole school. i dont want to brag... but i was considered something of a high achiever too hehe. fatimah was there (tho she wasnt that 'cool'.. konon ah hehe). and junaidah.. man, junaidah was like, one of the fastest runners in our batch. but then again maybe thats just what we thought. hehe.
however during these years i also learnt the meaning of betrayal... groups are groups. groups cant stay loyal forever i guess... there were times we fought... and i remembered there were times, we split. usually its between the geniuses. the so called geniuses la. -_- kamila. and me. the rest chose whos side they're on. i usually had muneerah and junaidah with me. but that didnt matter... i remembered the feeling of sadness... man it was heartbreaking. one thing i didnt forget when i was that young, was Allah. Alhamdulillah. i learnt long time ago, that Allah will be with me. always is with me. even if i lost my friends...
but they were great friends... i thought we would be together till we're grown up and successful. i remember kamila wanted to be a lawyer, i, doctor, fatimah, scientist, junaidah, teacher, juhairiah, teacher, muneerah, teacher. :) sweet memories...
but we were separated. upper primary... i was left with jun, juh, fatimah. the sadness was unbearable.. however much i hated kamila sometimes, i couldnt bear being separated from her. that was what i thought tho.... of course i moved on... and surprisingly eventho i still was friends with jun, juh and timah, i became close to someone else. her name was zahidah and she was a girl from another class when we were in lower primary. she sat beside me during that time. somehow she and me became bestfriends. she was a nice kid. super duper nice. not that brilliant, not that funny, very quiet. but i liked her a lot. :) her akhlaq especially was the best. she was a family person. she talked abt her sisters all the time. all these somehow made me and her bestfriends. i thank Allah for all the good people who came into my life...
befriending zahidah in pri 4 and proceeding to pri 5, i became someone who preferred the quiet life again... these were the years i was out of the limelight in terms of friendship. my only friends were the 'quiet ppl'. zahidah, one of them. these were the times when the whole class were talking abt backstreet boys, spice girls, mariah carey... i did not know and somewhat did not care. when i write in those autograph books where we list down our favourite singer, fav band all those stuff, i only know ziana zain & siti nurhaliza -_- however i copied zahidah writing down no doubt, the cranberries, boyzone... heh. when i did not know any actually. here, i saw popularity from a different light. i saw those who were popular and how they walked around in school... and i decided... i do not want to be like that.
secondary years, i was united with kamila again.. sec 3 days... where the class was suppossedly made up of all the geniuses of the batch... sec3green.. heh. i saw kamila during that time.. but somehow we didnt click. like how we used to when we were small. i am amazed sometimes...
secondary years there werent anything great abt it... ask anyone who remember me in my secondary years.. they will surely say im the quiet girl who had a red nose :) and always studying. always.... not eating... not sleeping too. i fainted twice during assembly due to lack of essentials. hehe. i had great respect for my teachers.. but i never had confidence. i struggled to keep up with my grades. i never depended on anyone... when i did not understand a topic, i made myself understand by studying long into the nights... these were the years i was determined to paint a successful picture of my future. sadly, these were also the years i created too much time for myself. i thought all my efforts will make me get what i want.... Allah was not forgotten... but efforts were made priority.... eventho i did get the grades, i turned into a mess... tired.. pressured... stressed.... may Allah forgive me...
He still had grace.... for He allowed me to get into poly... the course i chose (and got) wasnt something I actually wanted to do. my mama wanted it for me... and as my mama is a good person Allah heard her doa... and so i got in...
Poly years were great... i was 17 and i learnt my lesson during my secondary years. studies were never a struggle, Allah was my motivation..
challenges were a lot... here i learnt the power of words... trust... through poly i somewhat learnt not all ppl are good like what i thought.. sad tho yes. as it changed me for life.. and im no longer the kind of person who can smile sincerely w/o doubting first. someone help me haha.
thing is, as i typed all this, i guess this is life.
people come and people go. challenges continue to take place.
life is like the life meter in a hospital... it goes up... and down...
lagi satu yg saya belajar bila saya tulis ni. sesungguhnya hidup kita tak lama.... rasa.. mcm.. sekejap je...
ketika Allah bertanya "berapa lamakah kamu hidup di dalam dunia?"
mrk menjawab "satu atau satu stgh hari saja..."
bersamalah kita continue beriman, beribadah dan jangan berbuat dosa.
krn dosa tu ibarat titik2 hitam... terlalu byk maka akan hitamlah hati kita, cahaya nur tak dapat menembusi.
nauzuBillah.
*imagine ustaz ceramah tapi time da nak habis*
ingat Allah Maha Penerima Taubat. dan juga menjanjikan bahwa selagi nyawa belum di tengkorokan, pintu taubat terbuka luas. cepat2 lah taubat. krn mati tak tau bila.
andai ada terkasar bahasa, maafkan saya. doakan saya. Allah maana. assalamualaikum!
posted by Ruqa @ 9:44 PM
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